Skip to main content

Rockin’ Around the Real Christmas Tree

Nov 28, 2014 08:26AM ● Published by Peri Kinder

 We’ll be cuddling in front of the TV when he whispers, “Do you think it’s time we invested in a fake tree?”

“No.”

“But a real tree stresses you out each year.”

“That’s not stress, it’s the Christmas spirit,” I reply.

“I didn’t know the Christmas spirit was so grouchy.”

A real Christmas tree has always been the center of my holiday decorating. Growing up, we’d hang stockings, put out Advent calendars and display nativity scenes, but the season didn’t officially start until the tree was plunked into a bucket of boiling Mountain Dew. (We had the only caffeine-addicted tree on the street.)

After dad strung the lights and went to hide in his bedroom, we’d attack the tree like a whirling tornado, fighting over who got to hang favorite ornaments. Once we were in bed, mom and dad would redecorate and hang tinsel, one silvery strand at a time, on every branch.

I’ve carried on that tradition (minus the tinsel that would cling to our clothes) to create our own perfect Christmas tree.

Our holiday tree has never been a symbol of opulence. We’ve never had a Winter Wonderland tree with white fluffy reindeer frolicking through snowy silk ribbons, dangling with sparkly Swarovski crystals and silver-sequined snowflakes.

Instead, our tree’s branches are weighed down by homemade angels with ratted-out hair and lopsided halos, clothespin reindeer tangled around hand-beaded wreaths, and South Park characters rubbing shoulders with the baby Jesus.

Decades of school photo ornaments hang amid the evergreen boughs, detailing years of missing teeth, questionable hairstyles and teenage angst. And loved ones who have passed away are remembered with ornaments ranging from dancing shoes to teardrop prisms.

Put together, it’s an explosion of bad taste that would make Martha Stewart cry. But it’s not just a Christmas tree—it’s a family tree representing years of holiday memories.

The finished product is only half of the story. Finding the perfect Christmas tree is a tradition/catastrophe I anticipate/loathe every December. Hence my husband’s misguided “fake tree” suggestion. He just doesn’t understand that a plastic tree is a soulless imitation of holiday beauty, and the first step to anarchy.

Each year, I schedule a day to pick out a tree, and, without fail, it’s the coldest, snowiest, iciest weekend of the month. My youngest daughter tags along to make sure I get it right and to help hold the tree on top of the car once the loosely-tied knots start to unravel—much like my mind.

We scour tree lots, looking for an evergreen that is devoid of bare spots, more alive than dead and not full of spiders. (Don’t ask. It’s a horrible holiday memory.) We also try to avoid tree lots managed by the town drunk. (That’s another Christmas/horror saga involving a leering, inebriated tree salesperson with a chain saw.)

Once the tree arrives safely home, we discover the 10-foot tree won’t fit into our 8-foot living room. We attack it with dull handsaws and scissors until it fits, and then, in a flurry of Christmas chaos, we adorn it with lights and ornaments, and top it with a rickety angel, balanced precariously on the highest branch.

When the dust settles, we’ll cuddle by the decorated tree, watching Christmas lights twinkle while the snow softly falls. It’s the epitome of holiday perfection. Until my husband whispers, “What do you think about having Christmas dinner at Village Inn?”

Could be a long, cold winter in our home.   
Arts+Entertainment
  • Apex Fun Run

    02/21/2018
    09:00AM — 03:00PM

    Apex Fun Run is a fitness-and leadership-based fundraising program for elementary schools. Bennio...


  • Aging Mastery Program - River's Bend

    02/21/2018
    12:30PM — 02:00PM

    Join the ten-week health and wellness program, Aging Mastery at River's Bend Senior Center. The c...


  • Apex Fun Run

    02/23/2018
    09:00AM — 03:00PM

    Apex Fun Run is a fitness-and leadership-based fundraising program for elementary schools. Bennio...


  • The Nerd

    02/23/2018
    07:30PM — 09:30PM

    The Nerd plays at The Theater @ Mount Jordan on February 16, 17, 23, 24, March 2 and 3, 7:30 pm. ...


  • Apex Fun Run

    02/24/2018
    09:00AM — 03:00PM

    Apex Fun Run is a fitness-and leadership-based fundraising program for elementary schools. Bennio...


  • The Nerd

    02/24/2018
    07:30PM — 09:30PM

    The Nerd plays at The Theater @ Mount Jordan on February 16, 17, 23, 24, March 2 and 3, 7:30 pm. ...


  • Grand Opening

    02/24/2018
    07:30PM — 08:00PM

    Mister Car Wash has opened a new express location in Taylorsville, UT at 3856 5400 S Salt Lake Ci...


  • Apex Fun Run

    02/25/2018
    09:00AM — 03:00PM

    Apex Fun Run is a fitness-and leadership-based fundraising program for elementary schools. Bennio...


  • Apex Fun Run

    02/26/2018
    09:00AM — 03:00PM

    Apex Fun Run is a fitness-and leadership-based fundraising program for elementary schools. Bennio...


  • Aging Mastery Program - South Jordan

    02/26/2018
    12:30PM — 02:00PM

    Join the ten-week health and wellness program, Aging Mastery at South Jordan Senior Center. The c...


  • Apex Fun Run

    02/27/2018
    09:00AM — 03:00PM

    Apex Fun Run is a fitness-and leadership-based fundraising program for elementary schools. Bennio...


  • Aging Mastery Program

    02/27/2018
    02:00PM — 03:30PM

    Join the ten-week health and wellness program, Aging Mastery at Taylorsville Senior Center. The c...


  • Apex Fun Run

    02/21/2018
    09:00AM — 03:00PM

    Apex Fun Run is a fitness-and leadership-based fundraising program for elementary schools. Bennio...


  • Aging Mastery Program - River's Bend

    02/21/2018
    12:30PM — 02:00PM

    Join the ten-week health and wellness program, Aging Mastery at River's Bend Senior Center. The c...


  • Apex Fun Run

    02/22/2018
    09:00AM — 03:00PM

    Apex Fun Run is a fitness-and leadership-based fundraising program for elementary schools. Bennio...


  • 4100 South Reconstruction Open House

    02/22/2018
    04:00PM — 07:00PM

    West Valley City is preparing to reconstruct 4100 South between Bangerter Highway and 5460 West. ...


  • WJHS FOOTBALL PLAYER PARENT MEETING

    02/22/2018
    06:30PM — 08:00PM

    ITS TIME TO GET READY FOR WJHS 2018 FOOTBALL SEASON. DO YOU WANT TO PLAY FOOTBALL FOR THE WEST J...


  • R.C.I.A.

    02/22/2018
    06:45PM — 09:00PM

    Has your child, grandchild, friend ever ask you why Catholic believe this or do that? Can you exp...


  • If an emergency struck today, would you be willing to bet on the safety of your drinking water su...


  • *FREE* ULTIMATE Clean Water Preparedness Class

    02/22/2018
    07:00PM — 08:00PM

    Learn the Red Cross Recommendations for Treating water in an Emergency If an emergency struc...


  • *FREE* Online Training and Preparedness Class

    02/22/2018
    07:00PM — 08:00PM

    Learn the Red Cross Recommendations for Treating water in an Emergency If an emergency struc...


  • Learn the Red Cross Recommendations for Treating water in an Emergency If an emergency struc...


  • Learn the Red Cross Recommendations for Treating water in an Emergency If an emergency struc...


  • *FREE* Online Clean Water Preparedness Webinar

    02/22/2018
    07:00PM — 08:00PM

    Learn the Red Cross Recommendations for Treating water in an Emergency If an emergency struc...


  • *FREE* Clean Water and Preparedness Seminar

    02/22/2018
    07:00PM — 08:00PM

    Learn the Red Cross Recommendations for Treating water in an Emergency If an emergency struc...


  • Learn the Red Cross Recommendations for Treating water in an Emergency If an emergency struc...


  • Instruction Classes

    02/22/2018
    07:45PM — 09:00PM

    Has your child, grandchild, friend ever ask you why Catholic believe this or do that? Can you exp...


  • Apex Fun Run

    02/23/2018
    09:00AM — 03:00PM

    Apex Fun Run is a fitness-and leadership-based fundraising program for elementary schools. Bennio...


  • The Nerd

    02/23/2018
    07:30PM — 09:30PM

    The Nerd plays at The Theater @ Mount Jordan on February 16, 17, 23, 24, March 2 and 3, 7:30 pm. ...


  • Apex Fun Run

    02/24/2018
    09:00AM — 03:00PM

    Apex Fun Run is a fitness-and leadership-based fundraising program for elementary schools. Bennio...


  • The Nerd

    02/24/2018
    07:30PM — 09:30PM

    The Nerd plays at The Theater @ Mount Jordan on February 16, 17, 23, 24, March 2 and 3, 7:30 pm. ...


  • Grand Opening

    02/24/2018
    07:30PM — 08:00PM

    Mister Car Wash has opened a new express location in Taylorsville, UT at 3856 5400 S Salt Lake Ci...


  • Apex Fun Run

    02/25/2018
    09:00AM — 03:00PM

    Apex Fun Run is a fitness-and leadership-based fundraising program for elementary schools. Bennio...


  • Apex Fun Run

    02/26/2018
    09:00AM — 03:00PM

    Apex Fun Run is a fitness-and leadership-based fundraising program for elementary schools. Bennio...


  • Aging Mastery Program - South Jordan

    02/26/2018
    12:30PM — 02:00PM

    Join the ten-week health and wellness program, Aging Mastery at South Jordan Senior Center. The c...


  • Apex Fun Run

    02/27/2018
    09:00AM — 03:00PM

    Apex Fun Run is a fitness-and leadership-based fundraising program for elementary schools. Bennio...


  • Aging Mastery Program

    02/27/2018
    02:00PM — 03:30PM

    Join the ten-week health and wellness program, Aging Mastery at Taylorsville Senior Center. The c...


  • Apex Fun Run

    02/28/2018
    09:00AM — 03:00PM

    Apex Fun Run is a fitness-and leadership-based fundraising program for elementary schools. Bennio...


  • Aging Mastery Program - River's Bend

    02/28/2018
    12:30PM — 02:00PM

    Join the ten-week health and wellness program, Aging Mastery at River's Bend Senior Center. The c...


  • Apex Fun Run

    03/01/2018
    09:00AM — 03:00PM

    Apex Fun Run is a fitness-and leadership-based fundraising program for elementary schools. Bennio...


  • R.C.I.A.

    03/01/2018
    06:45PM — 09:00PM

    Has your child, grandchild, friend ever ask you why Catholic believe this or do that? Can you exp...


  • Instruction Classes

    03/01/2018
    07:45PM — 09:00PM

    Has your child, grandchild, friend ever ask you why Catholic believe this or do that? Can you exp...


  • Apex Fun Run

    03/02/2018
    09:00AM — 03:00PM

    Apex Fun Run is a fitness-and leadership-based fundraising program for elementary schools. Bennio...


  • The Nerd

    03/02/2018
    07:30PM — 09:30PM

    The Nerd plays at The Theater @ Mount Jordan on February 16, 17, 23, 24, March 2 and 3, 7:30 pm. ...


  • The Nerd

    03/03/2018
    07:30PM — 09:30PM

    The Nerd plays at The Theater @ Mount Jordan on February 16, 17, 23, 24, March 2 and 3, 7:30 pm. ...


  • Aging Mastery Program - South Jordan

    03/05/2018
    12:30PM — 02:00PM

    Join the ten-week health and wellness program, Aging Mastery at South Jordan Senior Center. The c...


  • Aging Mastery Program

    03/06/2018
    02:00PM — 03:30PM

    Join the ten-week health and wellness program, Aging Mastery at Taylorsville Senior Center. The c...


  • Aging Mastery Program - River's Bend

    03/07/2018
    12:30PM — 02:00PM

    Join the ten-week health and wellness program, Aging Mastery at River's Bend Senior Center. The c...


  • R.C.I.A.

    03/08/2018
    06:45PM — 09:00PM

    Has your child, grandchild, friend ever ask you why Catholic believe this or do that? Can you exp...


  • Follow your heart straight to adventure with Disney On Ice! Families will make unforgettable memo...


  • Instruction Classes

    03/08/2018
    07:45PM — 09:00PM

    Has your child, grandchild, friend ever ask you why Catholic believe this or do that? Can you exp...


  • Follow your heart straight to adventure with Disney On Ice! Families will make unforgettable memo...


  • Volunteer Fair & Open House

    03/10/2018
    11:00AM — 01:00PM

    Curious about volunteering at Red Butte Garden? Join us at the Volunteer Fair Open House any t...


  • Follow your heart straight to adventure with Disney On Ice! Families will make unforgettable memo...


  • Follow your heart straight to adventure with Disney On Ice! Families will make unforgettable memo...


  • Aging Mastery Program - South Jordan

    03/12/2018
    12:30PM — 02:00PM

    Join the ten-week health and wellness program, Aging Mastery at South Jordan Senior Center. The c...


  • Aging Mastery Program

    03/13/2018
    02:00PM — 03:30PM

    Join the ten-week health and wellness program, Aging Mastery at Taylorsville Senior Center. The c...


  • Aging Mastery Program - River's Bend

    03/14/2018
    12:30PM — 02:00PM

    Join the ten-week health and wellness program, Aging Mastery at River's Bend Senior Center. The c...


 

 

Online Edition
Follow My City Journals on Facebook
Advertise with us

 

City Journals 9500 South 500 West, Suite 205, Sandy, Utah 84070 801.254.5974